April 13, 2017 - New Releases
Good news Furious fans! The money machine is still printing hard. The Fate of the Furious opens this week. Despite what the conspicuously missing title word would lead to you believe I'm guessing it'll still be fast. To the surprise of no one I haven't seen any installment of what seems to be a street racing franchise that loses the race aspect with each movie. To be fair, since it's such a race inclusive cast they don't need as much race in the tires. It doesn't matter what I think, F8 (what people in the know call it) will most likely rake it in this weekend, especially since it's up against some real dogs.
Now that we're done with cars let's talk about planes. The unimaginatively titled Altitude includes current hot stars Denise Richards and Dolf Lundgren. I guess the word about aviation based hijacking still hasn't gotten big so I wish this movie well, but if it doesn't include towers or the number 93 it might be a wash. Also, the cover shows two people with guns. Come on movie TSA, let the real TSA be the shitty ones.
This movie looks like it was made with mid 2000s video game graphics, but Spark: A Space Tail got some real stars in the voiceover booth. Read the synopsis for yourself but this sounds like a real snoozefest. An 'action-packed space adventure' sounds like it might work on an eight-year-old so maybe I'm not the target demographic. I'm pretty sure a solid 90% of space movies make that promise and we all know movies unconvincingly lie to us at about the same rate as a really shitty Twitter based president.